Divorce Strategies for Women

In divorcing a spouse, it is important to be educated on the legal matters that can come up as well as be prepared both mentally and financially. It is an extremely difficult time and it is even harder to go through it alone. It is usually easier said than done and so, there are many divorce strategies which can take away some of the stress of going through a divorce.

Are you one of the many women in the world today who have suffered the mental distress and pain of going through a divorce? Don’t worry, many divorce women goes through the same. There is no way to sugar coat it, divorce can be very nasty and lawyers will drag out all of your so called “dirty laundry” in the cases. They will try and show to the legal council that you are a bad person or even a bad mom if you have kids.

Thinking of going through a divorce is difficult but when it happens, you just have to push on and deal with what is thrown at you. If you have the right information and are prepared for how down and dirty that it can get, you will surely find that everything will go more smoothly and you won’t feel stressed out.

Here are a few tips to remember when preparing for your divorce:

1) Make sure that you have all of your important paperwork together; your lawyer will want them. The papers that you should gather are just about everything you have regarding you and your soon to be ex. Get the information all joint bank accounts, credit cards, mortgage details and any investments that you might have gone into together.

2) Another very good point is to make sure that you know what your financial situation is, all too many woman make this mistake and it ends up coming back to bite them so to speak. Prepare yourself; familiarize yourself with any investments and savings that you might have gotten while you were married.

3) Even if you are just in the beginning of considering the D word, it is an excellent idea to find the right lawyer as soon as possible. If you have a good family attorney, he or she will most likely represent you if he or she is not already representing your ex. A good lawyer will explain everything to you in detail and let you know your options; he won’t let you get surprised.

4) Make sure that you have issued a new beneficiary on any life or accident insurance that you might have. Many people forget this little issue and in the end, the wrong people will be getting the money that you meant for someone else. Also, make sure that your tax returns are in the proper order.
Found this article in the internet and hopefully this article has helped any women out there that have gone through or are sadly going through a divorce now. Think of it this way, even if you don’t really see it right now…there is life after divorce! If you try to follow the tips provided it will help you better understand your situation and maybe even give you the tools that you need to get through it with as little stress to you as possible.

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Divorce Strategies for Women

A Man's Divorce Regrets

Opposite of my previous successful divorce blog, here’s a story of an unsuccessful regret divorce:

Chris had spent years in an unhappy marriage for the sake of his kids. Chris’ wife was so controlling and obnoxious; he dreaded coming home at night. Chris’ wife eventually filed for divorce with the most expensive lawyer in town. He telephoned a few lawyers, but thought that the retainers were too high. After years and years of dealing with his wife, Chris did not want any further confrontation. He believed that his wife would get custody of the kids and that he would be required to move out of the family house, and pay child support and alimony equal to what he was contributing to the household during the marriage. Chris believed that paying high support payments would benefit his kids. He met with his wife’s attorney and agreed to his wife’s terms and within two months of the divorce papers being filed, Chris was out of the house visiting with the kids on alternate weekends.

After a year, Chris was living in a one bedroom apartment unable to afford a room for the kids. He wanted to have the kids over more often, but his wife would not allow it because he did not have a room for them to sleep in. Chris was having trouble paying for food on the weekends that the kids visited. He was unable to go out with his buddies very often because money was very tight. When Chris dropped off the kids, he would often see his wife’s new boyfriend staying in what was once his house with his kids. He became more and more bitter regretting his decision not to contest the divorce.

Because of the unsuccessful full of regrets divorce, here’s a suggestion of a divorce planning for men:

1. Chris’ most serious mistake was that he did not educate himself regarding divorce law. Chris should have visited with a divorce lawyer for a free consultation. If Chris had spoken to a lawyer, he would have learned that joint custody is becoming more and more prevalent.

2. A lawyer would have advised Chris on the proper amount of child support and alimony. Chris should not have agreed to pay any additional support, but he could have always given his wife additional monies if he saw fit or spent the money on the children.

3. Chris also should have sought some of the equity in the family house in the divorce. Although it is nice to keep the kids in the house, Chris was unable to afford a room for his children. Chris’ children would have been more comfortable if they had their own room at Chris’ residence.

4. Even after receiving some divorce advice from an attorney, if Chris and his wife agreed on a divorce settlement, Chris should have taken the papers to an attorney and paid for an hour of the attorney’s time to review the divorce agreement. Protect yourself by educating yourself early before it is too late.

Got this story from: Real Life Divorce Cases

One Man's Divorce Success

According to the definition of Wikipedia, divorce (or the dissolution of marriage) is the final termination of a marital union, cancelling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the parties. The legal process for divorce may also involve issues of spousal support, child custody, child support, distribution of property and division of debt.

In most of my blogs, I usually tell stories about unsuccessful marriages and how usually the husband is the cause of their problems. The stories I post are mostly bias on women which puts women to a much more kind side, but the truth is, it’s not just men who are the cause of divorce. Women can also be the cause. Though most of the divorce cases end up in a failure, there are still some who doesn’t let divorce end their life and try to work things out. Here’s a story of a real successful divorce case:

Bill knew that he was headed for divorce court when his wife began “working late” and was clearly having an affair. Rather than confront his wife, he consulted with an attorney. Bill held his anger at home and continued to go about his daily business. Bill worked as a police officer and worked a significant amount of overtime. Bill stopped working the overtime. He started picking up his kids after school and helping them with homework. Bill reduced his income from $78,000 a year to $52,000. To do this, Bill had to reduce his retirement contribution significantly. He kept a diary of the time that he spent with his children as well as the late nights that his wife was not home taking care of the kids.

After Bill established a reduced income and his role as care giver to the children, Bill filed for divorce. At trial, Bill paid little child support and alimony because his income had been reduced. Most importantly, Bill received a 50/50 child custody order.
Here’s a successful divorce planning for men:

1. Bill’s story would not have been possible without his cool demeanor and well thought out plan. Rather than explode, men should consult with counsel and prepare for divorce secretly.

2. Bill’s plan required that he stop working all overtime. The small amount of cash that overtime pay provides a man today is not worth the years of support he may be required to pay in the future. Reducing retirement contributions or dipping into savings while executing divorce plans is advisable.

3. Finally, Bill put the time in with his kids while his wife was out. The court seeks to maintain the status quo of the children. Time spent with the children before the divorce is filed is of great importance.

Bill’s story is one of successful divorce planning. There are a lot of tricks and techniques which can enable a person to reduce child support and alimony, protect your assets, and increase your custodial time with your children. It is never too early to educate yourself regarding divorce preparation.

Reference: Real Life Divorce Cases

Why Am I Against Divorce

Divorce is all over the news; it’s almost everywhere and the debate over this issue is getting wilder. In my own opinion, I do not agree with divorce. It is not what God wants. God did not make man and woman to be united and separated if they got into some problems.

“If you fear the Lord and his commands, there is no way that you will agree on divorce. This is not what God wants. As simple as it is.”

Here I found a website where she is stating why she is against divorce and I totally agree with her:

It is not the answer to the growing violence against women and children. Most divorce advocates gives emphasis on the growing children and women abuse. But I really do not see it as a solution for these problems. In fact it extends to the growing problem of immorality and sexually related diseases and problems such as unwanted pregnancies and sexually related diseases. And I believe that you will agree with me that these problems are a threat to women, children and even family.
But why? Simply because people were given the so-called choice and chance to change while the fact is, it is where the so-called “rights” is abused. It is where many people make use of the right and abuse it for their own self-centered selfish quest for happiness and will only bring them to the same situation again and again and again. That’s why you will see people divorced not just once, nor twice, but multiple times.

It gives a wider path to domestic problems. As I mentioned earlier this right has proven to be easily abused. And we are not actually giving people a solution to their problems, but a chance to repeat the same mistakes. Divorce is like a medicine… but an unrecommended one. For example, there is a an abusive husband who have been divorced by his wife. This husband will then just look for another woman to abuse. While the woman if she’s the one having some problems, she will just look for another guy and if things will not get well, all she has to do is to apply again for divorce. Ridiculous isn’t it? It is just a picture of FREEDOM TO TRY MARRIAGE.

It gives a wider path for immorality and marital infidelity. Immorality. I guess this is not so much “in” nowadays. It’s something that most people don’t want to talk about except those that are of the religious sectors and religious people. I hate to say this but the Philippines have a steep moral degradation and that is why most of these divorce proponents put forward a SILLY SOLUTION for various problems.
Did we not learn from the US? Did the stats of violence against women and children dropped by the use of divorce law? We talk much about the positive things that we can get from the divorce law, while the negative effects far outweighs the positive.

Reference: Divorce in the Philippines - Say No to It

Divorce in the Country Part 2

This is the continuation of my previous blog about a girl named Noemi and her stand about divorce.
Noemi is up for the divorce bill. She believes that an abusive relationship is one reason why she supports the divorce bill.

The abuse can be verbal, physical or psychological. Imagine there were a total of 6,679 cases involving violence against women recorded in 2007 in the Philippines. Official figures in 2009 showed that 19 women were victims of marital violence every day. According to the Philippine National Police, wife battery ranked highest at 6,783 or 72% of all forms of violence and abuse against women. These are only for reported cases. What more with those who are “ashamed to report.” Domestic violence is not limited to one social class. Many of the unreported cases belong to women belonging in the upper class of society.

Divorce Law is a start. If the divorce bill is passed, changes will need to start within the family system and our culture.

Here’s is Noemi’s opinion:

1. As parents, we teach our children not by words but with our actions. Abusive spouses will pass on their habits to their children when they witness physical, sexual, economic, verbal or psychological violence. As parents, our children have to know that Violence against women in any form is a crime.

2. Women have to change – they have to be brave enough to leave their husbands and make it in on their own, believe in their own strengths and ability to live and support themselves and their children.

3. Men have to change. If a man feels entitled to treat his wife and children as property or human beings who should be under his control, then he needs to be thrown in jail if he acts accordingly.

4. Most importantly, we all have to change, women trapped in these relationships are isolated – some physically, financially, socially, others just emotionally (that is why there are accomplished career women who are in these relationships).

Marriage will not be taken lightly if there is a divorce law. The law is there to help spouses trapped in abusive relationships and when the marriage is beyond repair. What happens if your child witnesses the abusive spouse hitting their parent? The child will believe it is alright to be stuck in a marriage where abuse is alright. The child in turn, will carry this on in their future relationships.
I believe my friend when she said that “the most important persons in this situation are the children. In any decision you make, always choose the one that is best for them.”

Divorce bill is such a big issue in the Philippines right now. If people think that it’s important, they should show their support for it. If they are against, then voice out their opinions as well.

“Think about the benefits and consequences carefully. Think about how you, someone you know, or even how your own children will be affected by the bill if it becomes law.”

Reference:
Divorce in the Philippines

Divorce in the Country

As I’ve mentioned in almost all of my blogs, Philippines is now the only country without divorce, the only country that haven’t legalized divorce. There is Vatican but it is not really a country.

Gabrila refilled a controversial bill to legalize divorce in the country known as House Bill No. 1799, an act introducing divorce in the Philippines and it lists down five grounds for filing a petition for divorce:

1. Petitioner has been separated de facto (in fact) from his or her spouse for at least five years at the time of the filing of the petition and reconciliation is highly improbable;

2. Petitioner has been legally separated from his or her spouse for at least two years at the time of the filing of the petition and reconciliation is highly improbable;

3. When the spouses suffer from irreconcilable differences that have caused the irreparable breakdown of the marriage;

4. When one or both spouses are psychologically incapacitated to comply with the essential marital obligations;

5. Any of the grounds for legal separation that has caused the irreparable breakdown of the marriage.

I found a blogger named Noemi and here is her stand:

I am for divorce. Let me elaborate.
I wrote about annulment in the Philippines four years ago. The comments from readers exposed me to the sad reality of abusive spouses. I understood the reasons of failed marriages of close friends and relatives but it was only in my blog and through emails, that I understood the abusive relationships in some marriages. My heart reaches out to women crying out for help, one of which told me:

Being trapped for 18 years (1992-present) as single parent but status married; I hate our laws, as a woman, as a wife, having been abused. I was a battered wife for four years until I decided to run away for my life. My home is not safe anymore; my basic right to life was violated for four years (1988-1992) by someone supposed to protect me. Annulment law is a milking cow for lawyers, a law only for the elite, a privilege to those who can afford a law for sale, another human rights violation. For those battered women who can’t afford, the law shouts for you to wait for death, no escape, we are doomed.Being battered and unprotected is one thing I hate being born Filipina. I was already scammed and I cannot even appeal cause 15 days has lapsed. Money cannot be made in 15 days for a single parent with two children whose education is priority. Decision notice did not even warn me I have to beat 15 days.

It is for this reason that the bill was filed, “for women in abusive marital relationships, the need for a divorce law is real. It is high time that we give Filipino couples, especially the women, this option,” said Gabriela Representatives Luzviminda Ilagan and Emerenciana De Jesus in the bill’s explanatory note.

For Noemi, an abusive relationship is one reason why she supports the divorce bill

Comments on Divorce in the Philippines

Gabriela filed a controversial bill to legalize divorce in the Philippines. The bill known as House Bill No. 1799 is an act introducing divorce in the Philippines. It lists down five grounds for the filling of a petition for divorce. I will post these five grounds on my next blog.

Is there a need to pass Divorce Bill? Here are what some people said (from Twitter):

• ANCALERTS: “Kapunan: Opposition to divorce is the hypocrisy of congressmen who want to have their wives and keep their mistresses. #harapan”
• GangBadoy: “May nahihiwalay talaga. Pag malabo ang terms, MAS kawawa ang anak. Lilinawin ng divorce terms and arrangement of responsibilities. Klaro.”
• Duffymarkc: “#harapan, #ibasura, #ipasa. Ang kailangan ay ayusin muna ang pagkatao ng isang tao para maibsan na ang hindi magagandang gawin ng tao.”
• Vinnicents: “Humans are just humans. Who they think is the ‘one’ may not be anymore 10 years into married life. #ipasa”
• 1stladyace: “Legalizing something that should have not been from the beginning won’t do us any good. NO TO #DivorceBill #ibasura dami ng batas to enforce, ibasura divorce bill hindi na kailangan yan, pag dating ng araw if mapasa yan pagsisisihan yan & magigigng rason yan ng mabilis na paghihiwalayan”
• Ikuwaderno: “Keeping a family together when there is a poisoned or totally broken down marriage does not protect the family at all. #ipasa #divorce”

Anulment is possible though:

• Muwu: “There were 8,282 annulment cases in 2010. And countless others that don't get annulled anymore and just separate. This is already happening”
• Tingjing08: “@ml895 I do I live in the Philippines, we don't have divorce but we have annulment which totally different”

Philippines only country aside from Vatican that does not legalize divorce:

• Loyalsubject: “@ml895 Hmmn I actually don't want divorce to be legal here in the Philippines...”
• Jexplore: “Posted a link in FB abt Philippines being left as d only country not legalizing divorce. Girls r commenting & shouting one thing - FREEDOM!”
• Barnabychurch: “The Philippines is now the only nation without divorce. It's time, c'mon honorable Congressmen and Senators!”
• Loidita: “divorce in the Philippines would be useless if the ex husband could not afford to pay the alimony”

Thoughts on Divorce:

• Muwu: “@sisanipepe I don't see why divorce is evil and will destroy the family while annulment is totally okay. They achieve the exact same thing.”
• Headlessgal: “@flipcritic: Why no #Divorce in #Philippines? Because it's another money maker 4 Catholic Church.” Religion=controlling the masses!”

Some Don’t Believe in Divorce:

• Blinkingbadge: “I'm supporting the Philippines as the only country not legalizing divorce. I believe in the sanctity of marriage. Malta said YES, PHL NEVER.”
• Jettorias: “i don't think divorce should be legalized in the Philippines..”

The Future of Divorce

• Davisi: “I predict that in the next 15 years, the Philippines will be the only country in the world that still bans divorce, condoms & gay marriage.”
• Muwu: “@flipcritic @momblogger superficially moral. In reality, the core is just as rotten as anywhere else in the world”

These are just few of different opinions of thousands of people in the country. 


Reference: Divorce in the Philippines

6 Divorce Success Stories (Part 2)

4. FROM LIES TO NEW LOVE

"My first husband and I were married in a beautiful Catholic ceremony. About a year later, I came home from a meeting and my husband was at the kitchen table working on his laptop. He was in good spirits and indicated he was planning to go out to watch football with a group of friends from work. I thought nothing of it... At 2 a.m. the phone rang. It was my husband, telling me he had been arrested... He was charged with four felonies, including importuning and soliciting a minor for sex! He convinced me it was a misunderstanding. I endured the humiliation of his arrest being on television and the radio. I came to understand that our entire marriage had been a charade. Everything that came out of his mouth was a lie. I eventually told him I wanted a divorce. I later learned that he had been cheating on me the entire time. I was so depressed... Finally, I woke up one day and discovered that I actually had it pretty good. I picked myself up and put away the wine glasses. I went to Europe for the first time. I bought my own house -- painted and decorated it myself. I decided to start dating again. I met a man on Match.com -- he proposed 16 months later. We have one son and another child on the way. I am truly convinced that everything happens for a reason."
- Maureen

5. STRONGER THAN EVER

"I have been divorced for exactly a year now. I am finally in a great place! I haven't been this happy nor healthy (mentally and physically) in years. I was married for 20 years and began to grow in ways that my ex just couldn't understand. I went through a very difficult divorce -- my ex was very controlling and mentally abusive. I was scared to death to leave, but I began to get stronger. I have turned my story into a business called AndeLifeCoach.com, where I coach other people to find their 'authentic' true selves. I have never looked or felt better."
- Andrea

6. FRIENDS FOR THE KIDS

"My ex-husband and I have an excellent working relationship. We share custody -- one week on, one week off -- and have agreed that we will always give each other the opportunity to have more time with the kids if we need childcare. We both agreed that it wasn't about us. It was about the kids, first and foremost. We are told by many divorced friends that we are fortunate to be good friends now, and should be the example of what divorced parents should be."
- Natalie

Source:
An End For The Better

6 Divorce Success Stories (Part 1)

So you married your best friend now you're getting divorced -- now what? As devastating as the idea of divorce sounds, it's not necessarily going to pan out negatively. In fact, we found lots of divorce success stories out there. We don't know what the ratio is with divorce success stories versus non-successes. But it's safe to say, there is light at the end of the tunnel, according to these divorcees...

1. BETTER AS COLLEAGUES

"I am a very successful divorcee. I married the love of my life, and after 12 years of a great partnership, we changed and realized we loved each other so much that we had to let each other go. Since we divorced, we have worked together professionally and love it! My 'was-band' found an amazing woman and we are both happier, healthier and love that we are still in each other's lives. You know the old saying, 'When you love someone, set them free?' Well, in our case, we came back to each other professionally and have a very deep love for each other. Friends called our divorce the 'divorce of the decade.'"
- Lorrie

2. CHANGE IS GOOD

"I got married at 20 and was completely insecure. I thought I needed a man to complete me, but I was comatose, walking through marriage without feeling alive. I was terrified my life was over but more terrified that if I left, no other man would want me. My husband wasn't bad to me -- I just got married too young and didn't even know what love was. My turning point was when some of my students dared me to rap. It led me to try, and stimulated me to see there was life beyond an unsatisfying job. My husband hated me being out so much. I was no longer the constant wife-y type, coming home from school to cook and clean and plan social dates with friends. Eventually, I decided that I needed to live instead of passing time. When I finally left I danced out and didn't take a dime in alimony. My freedom was worth everything and all I needed. I'm still good friends with my ex. It was very amicable. He was a good person, but couldn't handle me changing."
- Daylle

3. LEMONS INTO (MENTORING) LEMONADE

"I was very inspired by my divorce. I have turned my lemons into lemonade. I am the founder of the National Association of Divorce for Women and Children, a 24/7 resource center that supports single-again women. When I divorced 14 years ago, I was searching for tools to help move my life forward, and to be the best role model for my children. That's when I became certified in the coaching field. I'm also a certified behavior consultant. I have been working with family law attorneys for years and have developed a program called "Single Again! Now What?", a 12-week program mentoring other divorcees. My joy is when I see a mom believe in herself again."
- Joanie

To be continued..

The Bible Forbids Divorce and Remarriage P2

Here's the continuation of some verses of the bible which shows forbidden of divorce and remarriage: 

Deuteronomy  24:1-2 – Permission to divorce, but only for ancient times: "When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife." This passage allowed a man to divorce his wife (or wives). However, it did not allow a woman to divorce her husband. It is unclear what the term "uncleanness" means. Presumably it does not mean that she had committed adultery, because then she would have been executed by stoning.

The passage does not approve of divorce. It merely accepts it as a practice that had been imported by the ancient Hebrews from adjacent Pagan cultures, where it was a universal custom. Author J. Carl Laney speculates that if God had generally prohibited divorce, that the ancient Hebrews would not have honored the law. So, God "chose to progressively reveal his displeasure with divorce and direct his people back to his standard." 

Deuteronomy 24:3-4 Divorced & remarried woman cannot remarry her first husband: "And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance." This covers a case where a woman was divorced by her husband, remarries, and is subsequently either divorced again or widowed. She may not remarry her first husband. To do so was viewed as a gross sin that violated the land itself.

Malachi 2:14 – Divorce is treacherous behavior: "... the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant." Malachi is condemning Hebrew men for abandoning their wives after many years of marriage and marrying a different woman. Here, marriage is referred to as a covenant between God, the husband and wife. One property of a covenant is that it is permanent. The contract between God and the ancient Hebrews at Sinai is one example of a covenant. See Numbers 30:2, Ecclesiastes 5:4-6, and Psalm 15:4.

Malachi 2:16 – God hates divorce: "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away..." God hates a man "putting away" his wife. The Hebrew word in this passage is "salah," a word that often refers to divorce.

Reference:
Divorce and Remarriage

The Bible Forbids Divorce and Remarriage P1

These are some passages related to divorce and remarriage:

Genesis 2:24 – Marriage is Permanent: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” The world translated as “cleave” is a translation of the Hebrew word “dabaq” which means to make a permanent alliance with another person. It is used elsewhere in the Bible in this context: Joshya 23:12, Ruth 1:14, and 2 Samuel 20:2. In its noun form, the word refers to soldering two pieces of metal together: making a permanent joint. Some theologians have suggested that this term refers to permanent actions: those that cannot be undone. Thus, the passage implies that divorce is 

forbidden.

Deuteronomy 22:13-19 – Divorce is prohibited if the husband accuses the wife of not being a virgon: “If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her, And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel's father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hated her; And, , he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him; And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days." If a man accuses his wife of not being a virgin when she married him, and she is able to prove that she was a virgin, then he had to pay her father 100 shekels of silver, and was prohibited from ever divorcing her. The passage continues, by saying that if she cannot prove her virginity, that she was stoned to death. Interestingly enough, this passage allows a husband to arrange the murder of his wife in certain circumstances, and thus obtain a divorce through her death.

Deuteronomy 22:28-29 – Divorce not allowed for seducers of virgins: "If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days." A man who engages in sexual intercourse with a virgin, and subsequently marries her, would never be permitted to divorce her.

Social Media Playing a Large Role in Divorce

Social networking sites such as Facebook and Myspace have increased their popularity in the recent years. Many people have the opportunity to reconnect with some old friends, co-workers and lovers online. These types of sites also give users the ability to make plenty of new friends online. As a result, many spouses have spent a lot of time on computers – especially of a marriage is already on the rocks.

If a spouse spends most of his time online, it will not only take his time away from the family, but it can also arouse suspicion of an affair. Even if there’s no physical cheating, many people become so wrapped up in online that it can cause damages to relationship and it may lead to a filing of divorce.

Some spouses don’t slip into online affairs by accident. There is no shortage of online dating sites, some even geared towards married people looking for no strings attached affairs. When a married person is conducting this kind of activity online, they often attempt to cover their tracks by deleting the browser history of their computer after using or protect it with passwords to keep out the prying eyes of a spouse.

Here’s a story:

There’s a couple, let’s name them Charles and Kate, that their ending of their marriage began on Facebook when his wife, Kate became “friends” with an ex.

“When that happened I really wasn’t too put off by it. I fairly trust my wife. I choose to go through life not constantly worrying about what might or might not happen,” Charles said.
What happened was his wife and her ex ended up reconnecting.

“I suggest counselling, I suggested trying to find new things,” Charles said. “She didn’t have any interest in that.”

So Charles’ next stop was to find a lawyer to help their relationship remain the same. Let’s name the lawyer Lisa.

Lisa said, “It has dramatically changed things. I’m shocked every time I look at it. People put in there how often they go to the bathroom, when they’re having sex with somebody. I can’t understand why anyone would want someone else to be reading information like that.”
Social media is also making its way into the courtroom. A status update or a tweet can be the high-tech equivalent of a lipstick on the collar.

According to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 81 percent of the nation’s top divorce attorneys say that they’ve seen an increase in number of causes using social networking evidence.

Everyone enjoys spending time on Facebook, Twitter, Myspace etc without knowing that for some people, it can be the cause of destroying a married couple. It's not just one or two cases of using social media as the source of divorce but it's already been many cases and with more new social sites, more of these could actually happen.

References:
Social Media Playing a Large Role in Divorce Cases
Social Media and Online Affairs

Social Media and Divorce

Some may think, what’s the relation between social media and divorce? They’re not on the same line. According to CNN’s Alison Kosik, social networking sites are increasingly becoming one of the factors in deteriorating marriages. Surprisingly, 1 out of 5 divorce cases reference Facebook as the root cause of their problems. It may sound shocking, but with all the social medias we have, anything is quite possible.

In this entry, I researched on how social media can affect a relationship and many results have shown that it can really be a source of many problems causing couples to break up.

For web developer Kyle Simpson, social media became a part of his everyday life. He uses Twitter and Facebook all the time, at around 20-30 times a day constantly checking for updates and communicating with other people. His wife, Christen, is also an avid Facebook and Twitter user, both of them said that they won’t let those sites cause problems in their relationship. They try to keep it open between the two of them. They both have Facebook accounts and each other’s password.

Not everyone is like Kyle and Christen who has an open relationship. There are many couples out there who don’t act like married people and still uses networking sites to flirt or meet new people and this can certainly destroy a relationship. Imagine your wife or husband looking for new friends on web, of course you will not feel calm and let him or her continue doing it.

Unfortunately for some couples, social media can lead to break up, because it is where they find out that there’s a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Sometimes it can even be related to child issues. If someone says he or she is a responsible parent and then you find out the night that they were supposed to take care of their child and instead they get a babysitter and they were out and there’s photos of them drinking with friends, this will definitely not look good in court.

Facebook messages and photos can usually become evidence to divorce cases. One may think that something is deleted, but it’s usually not. With all these new networking sites popping out almost every year, there are no doubts that it can be a possible reason why couples get separated.

According to a study conducted in 2009, more than 80% of the attorneys whose handling divorce cases have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking as evidences.

“While we don’t know if that increasing divorce rate has anything to do with social media, those in a relationship might want to think twice before they log on, and post anything that could be used against them in the future.”

Social media has become one of the reasons on why married couples divorce. I will post one more story regarding social media and how it played a role in divorce cases on my next blog.

Reference:
Special Report: Social Media and Divorce

Catholic Church in Divorce

The Philippines, with an 82 percent Catholic population, is the only place in the world where divorce remains illegal and the Catholic Church would like to see it remain that way. The citizens are already tired of the

Catholic Church always getting in the way of everything. It’s not just the proposed divorce law but also the reproductive health bill. Thus, a bill that would like to legalize divorce in the Philippines is already moving through the government.

As what I said in my previous blog, a bill seeking legalization of divorce in the Philippines was already filed August last year. “It is to introduce divorce as another option for failed and irreparable marriages.”

The church is always saying that the legalization of divorce will just destroy family and destroy children. Archbishop Ledesma said that legalizing divorce would tear down the moral fiber of society, stressing that marriage was a social contract.

In this legalization of divorce, women are usually the ones pushing it to be permitted because they are the ones usually suffering and not the males. The Catholic Church said that it is against the bible and legalizing something that is immoral will not just make it right but will make it worse. But did they ever think of women who are beaten and abused by their husbands? They can’t leave their husband because divorce is not allowed.

Here’s a story of a woman who was asking if they could remarry. One woman, she sounded a bit old; I think she’s around 50 years of age asking an advice on a radio program.

She said, “My husband disappeared 20 years ago and my children and I have never heard from him again. I have a man who cares for me very much, and I’d like to know, can we get married?”

The girl from the radio said “No, because you are not a widow and you are still married to your husband.”

Here’s another story. A husband abandoned his wife for many years and she fell in love with a new guy. When the husband found out, he sued the wife for adultery. After having abandoned her for years, he still has the right to dictate her life? That is unfair right.

The church cannot dictate and oppose about the proposed divorce law in the Philippines. There are many couples there who just cannot live together with their wife or husband and the church doesn't have the right to be involved.

Here’s what a student from ADMU said about the Church being involved in this:

“The Philippine Catholic church should not dictate any family decision any person could make. Can they do anything to a wife being beaten daily by a drunk husband, and God forbid, get murdered by the drunk husband? These women’s blood is in the Catholic Priest’s hands. I feel for all the women that are victims of such brutality. What hope do these women have to rebuild their lives and have normal/legal relationships. Not moving on with the Divorce in the Philippines is an injustice to us all women who are obviously classified as second class citizens.”

Proposed Divorce Law in the Philippines

Divorce is a controversial topic that many people often discuss about it. In 2005, Lisa Masa of Gabriela, party list representative, filed a divorce bill. But before 2005, there were already several divorce bills that had been filed. In 2001, same bills were filed in the Senate (Bill No. 782), it was introduced by Senate Rodolfo G. Biazon, and House of Representatives (Bill No. 878), introduced by Honorbale Bellaflor J. Angara-Castillo. In 1999, Representative Manuel C. Ortega filed House Bill No. 6993, also for legalization of divorce. This 14^th Congress, Gabriela again filed a bill to introduce divorce in the Philippines. House Bill No. 3461 was filed by Gabriela Women’s Party Representatives Liza Largoza-Maza and Luzviminda Ilagan.

In Filipino culture, marriage is regarded as a sacred union of two families. Marriage is considered as a fountain of love, protection and care. The Philippine society usually discourages breakups between husband and wife. As much as possible, many coupes keep their relationship together despite problems and breakdown of the marriage, because that is what Philippine culture is. But the cultural prescriptions of women and men differ. Women are traditionally known as the primarily responsible for making the marriage work and they are the ones who are expected to sacrifice everything just to preserve the marriage and the family. While women are demanded for fidelity to their husbands, men on the other hand are granted sexual license to have affairs outside marriage and when marriage fails, the woman is blamed for its failure.

Given these realities, couples must have the option to avail their full development and self-fulfilment and the protection of their human rights. Existing laws are not enough to address this need. To quote the Women’s Legal Bureau, Inc. a legal resource NGO for women:

“The present laws relating to separation of couples and termination of marriage are inadequate to respond to the myriad causes of failed marriages. Particularly, the remedies of declaration of nullity and annulment do not cover the problems that occur during the existence of marriage. Legal separation, on the other hand, while covering problems during marriage, does not put an end to marriage.”

“Though both divorce and a declaration of nullity of a marriage allow the spouses to remarry, the two remedies differ in concept and basis. A declaration of nullity presupposes that the marriage is void from the beginning and the court declares its non-existence… Beyond [the] grounds specified [in the law], declaration of nullity is not possible. ”

“In annulment, the marriage of the parties is declared defective from the beginning, albeit it is considered valid until annulled. The defect can be used to nullify the marriage within a specified period but the same may be ignored and the marriage becomes perfectly valid after the lapse of that period, or the defect may be cured through some act. The defect relates to the time of the celebration of the marriage and has nothing to do with circumstances occurring after the marriage is celebrated. In annulment, the marriage is legally cancelled, and the man and woman are restored to their single status. ”

The bill proposed by Gabriela seeks to introduce divorce in the Philippine law with a strong sense of confidence that it will be used responsibly by Filipino couples. Filipino families should know that separation is usually the last option of many Filipino couples whose marriage has failed. Cases of battered women who seek separation after many years of trying to make the marriage work. Separation only becomes important for them when they realize that it is really necessary for them and their children’s survival. Divorce could actually provide protection to battered women and their children from violence and abuse.

You can read more from Proposed Divorce Law in the Philippines

A Story of Divorce

Everyone who goes into marriage doesn’t think that they will end up in a divorce. A perfect loving couple who promise a love that would last for a life time will end up in a divorce. Who knew this could possibly happen?

In this entry, I would like to share a story of someone I know who is now separated with his husband. Let’s name the girl Jane and the guy Tarzan. Tarzan and Jane were high school sweethearts. They were together since third year high school and after both had stable jobs after college, they decided to get married. Both Jane and Tarzan came from a wealthy family. Tarzan was the favourite son of his parents and never had to look for a job because after graduating, he worked for his dad. Jane, same to Tarzan, also came from a rich family. Jane had a big family business that’s why when they got married, all of their relatives were proud and happy for them, thinking them as a perfect loving couple.

After 9 years of marriage, they already had three children, the eldest who is 8 years old and the youngest who is 3 years old. They were a happy family but who knew that because of money, their relationship will be tested. Jane was a signatory in their family business. Jane’s family business was not doing well that’s why they ended up owing people some money. So what Jane did was, he borrowed money from his husband Tarzan. It was a huge amount of money but Tarzan lend it to Jane. Jane’s family business finally closed down because of “nalugi” and they still owe someone huge amount of money. Jane’s family went all went to China to hide but Jane didn’t come with them because her children and her husband are still in the Philippines.

Through time, the couple fought about the money Jane borrowed from Tarzan, They kept on fighting about it because in fact, it was a big amount of money. Because of this issue, both decided to cool things off. Jane is not living with Tarzan and her children. But she gets to visit them every Sunday after work. They don’t talk to each other anymore and if they need something from the other, they will ask their children to talk to do the talking. Because of money, their long relationship came to an end. The 3 children are with Tarzan because Tarzan is the one who is still financially able to raise the children. Their 3 children are still young and they are the ones suffering just because of the money.

This is just one story of many couples who ended up in a divorce because of money. Like what I’ve mentioned in my previous blogs, one of the top reasons why couples separate is because of financial problems. Both of them did lose a big amount of money, but they still have enough funds to live. Money tested their relationship and both of them failed. Money can still be earned but relationship once broken; it’s hard to get it back.

FOR WOMEN - It's Not Yet The End: Surviving Life After Divorce (Part 2)

This is the continuation of my previous blog.
Here’s think like to the first five: It's Not Yet The End: Surviving Life After Divorce Part 1


6. Don’t Live in the Past - Always remember that past is nothing but memory. For sure you and ex-husband had some great memories together because you wouldn’t have stayed together if both of you did not have any good times. This doesn’t mean that you cannot think of the memories, but do not dwell on it. Memories are just memories and nothing will change even if you keep on thinking about it. Past is already past and all you can do is learn from it but you can never change it or return it. You cannot bring it back! Just think of yourself that there are more fantastic moments that is waiting for you. Don’t live in the past and just think of your future because that is what’s important.

7. Don’t Drown Yourself in Guilt - Divorce happens because of two people often quarrelling and having misunderstandings and through this you’ve probably said few things that you didn’t mean and you are regretting about it now, but you cannot change anything anymore. Just apologize to your ex, but don’t expect the apology to change anything. Forgive yourself and learn from it.

8. Re-Discover Yourself - I’m sure while having a relationship with your ex-husband, you must have changed yourself backwards to satisfy him. Now that you are back to single, it’s time to start living for yourself. Do the things that you love and will make you happy and increase your self-confidence. Go get a new hair-cut, re-arrange everything and enrol on a course that you like. Do everything you like, but this time, do it not for anyone but for yourself.

9. Sort out Your Finances - Financial situations will surely change if you become single and it’s important that you know exactly how much you earn. It’s easy to start over-spending just after divorce because you’re wallowing yourself in self-pity to make you feel better but remember, don’t over spend too much that it will get you to debt and this will surely make your life as a single woman very difficult. You should know how to budget and control yourself from the things that are worthy and not.

10. Don’t Get Involved on the Rebound - The last one is pretty much obvious. We all know that there is a broad line between getting to know a person and bonding a close to an intimate relationship. Don’t be too quick that you want to find someone new because in the end, you will just be forcing yourself in a relationship and forced relationship rarely last. Make sure you are really ready for a new relationship before getting into one. Because you might just encounter the same things with your ex.

THE END :)

This is not an original.. I got this from a website called All the Women Want

FOR WOMEN - It's Not Yet The End: Surviving Life After Divorce (Part 1)

Divorce is painful. It is a great loss and a crisis which has a huge impact on the lives of everyone that are involved.  The pain that one can suffer from a divorce is not something that will quickly go away. It is something that has to be worked through. I found a site called All the Women Want which was written by a female talking about steps in which one female can possibly do after divorce so that she can be back to a fulfilling life.

Here are the steps:

1. Think Single – After being divorced, life as a single woman could be very hard. Lots of changes will happen and these changes may not be the life that one has been used to so don’t expect it to be easy. But just think of the bright side as a single woman, you can do anything you want and go anywhere you want. Just go and hang out with some of your friends and relax yourself because these changes may take time.

2. Remind Yourself It’s Ok to Be Single – In our society today, single women are often looked down by their married peers thus leading us to believe that we are failures. That the “real” women are the ones involved in a healthy loving, lasting relationships. But this is not true. There a lot of women who choose to remain single or to stay out of a broken relationship and it doesn’t mean that she is weak. In fact it is a sign of strength that you can face problems and challenges alone and just show them that it’s okay to be single.

3. Don’t Try to Get Even – No matter how angry you are at your partner because he did something unfaithful to you, don’t try to get even with him. It will just end up exhausting yourself on something that has no worth because it won’t get him back. It will just stop you from moving on. Maybe what one can do is look for a friend who’s willing to listen and tell her how you feel. All anger needs is an outlet, but getting even with him will do no good for both of you.

4. Accept That the Relationship is Over – Women usually have problems regarding this issue. Sometimes girls would make excuses just to visit him by forgetting things at his place, need to discuss issues about their children. One should always know how to keep distance. It doesn’t mean that you cannot talk to him or visit him, just know how to keep distance and accept that both of you have separate lives. The sooner one accepts this; the quicker one will move on and be able to find happiness again.

5. Don’t Become Lonely – In whatever you do, you must always try to be positive. Look at the bright side of life and as much as possible, don’t think of your life with your ex-partner because this will just lead to loneliness. Think of the good things that have happened with your life and focus more with your children. Do something that you like the most.

To Be Continued.. J

Philippine Divorce Bill and Individual Rights in the 21st Century

Here's an article written by Atty. Lourdes Tancinco about divorce and individual rights:

Marriage issues are common in immigration cases.

Marriage as an inviolable social institution is not just a legal definition but also an ideal that we strive for. However, much as our culture embraces the importance and value of family, there are cases where this social institution needs restructuring. With the recent developments in the 15thCongress, Filipino immigrants are eagerly keeping an eye on the progress of House Bill 1799, the divorce bill.

The following are just a few of the cases illustrating the unjustness of the current “no divorce” system in the Philippines.

The Real Widow

Clemente is a Filipino World War II veteran who married Marieta. After living together for one year, Marieta and Clemente separated. Both parties then found new partners and began living with their new partners without the benefit of marriage. For more than fifty years, Clemente lived with his partner Diana and they have three children who are now adults. After suffering from cancer, Clemente passed away last year. As a war veteran, he was receiving compensation benefit from the VA.

When Diana applied for compensation benefit as the widow of a veteran, she was denied the benefit as she was not the legal wife. Marieta, on the other hand, also filed for the benefit and will most likely be granted the widow’s benefit instead of Diana. If divorce were legal in the Philippines at the time Clemente was alive, the pension would have gone to Diana who actually lived with Clemente for several decades and who took care of the latter during all these years.

Threat of Bigamy

Sylvia, a U.S. citizen, married Mario and petitioned him for an immigrant visa. Prior to their marriage, Mario was actually married to Jane who lives in Manila. Since the Philippines does not recognize divorce, Mario filed for dissolution of their marriage in Las Vegas. A divorce decree was obtained in Las Vegas declaring the marriage of Mario and Jane dissolved for all legal purposes.

Mario’s second marriage to Sylvia, however, did not work well and he decided to return to the Philippines for good. Now that he is back in the Philippines, Jane is threatening and blackmailing Mario that she would initiate a bigamous marriage case against him. Under Philippine law, Mario was still considered married to Jane at the time he married Sylvia. The dissolution of marriage that Mario obtained in Las Vegas is not valid as far as Philippine jurisdiction is concerned as both parties were Filipino citizens at the time the divorce was obtained.

If divorce were recognized in the Philippines, then Mario could have dissolved his marriage legally in Philippine jurisdiction and could have avoided the present threats that he is facing.

Victim of Abuse

Purificacion was married to David for five years. After just a few months of marriage, David became violent. He would verbally abusive and Purificacion was beaten regularly during their marital relationship. Purificacion tried to stay in the marital union because of strong pressure from other family members to stay with her husband. Finally, she was able leave David and migrate to the US. Purificacion, as a victim of domestic violence, finally filed for divorce in California where it was granted. She is now living separately from his abusive husband.

U.S.Divorces

Marriage issues are common in immigration cases. In these marriages cases, prior divorce by the party being petitioned is crucial to a valid petition by U.S. citizens. It is not uncommon for separated spouses who wish to remarry but are unable to do so because Philippine jurisdiction does not recognize divorce.

Luckily for some who have financial ability to travel abroad, divorce can be obtained in countries where it is recognized. However, those with no financial capacity are compelled to live with their broken marriages. When the right opportunity comes, and a US citizen (or any other foreigner) wishes to marry a Filipino who is already separated from their spouse, no such possibility is provided as there is no divorce in the Philippines and subsequent remarriages are not valid.

Divorce Bill

With approximately four million Filipinos in America, the divorce rate among the Filipino families is not at all high. We still bring with us the culture of the value of families, despite the availability of divorce as an option.

Marriage may still be viewed as a social institution. A cohesive family with strong family values creates good citizens. However, a nation that cares for its citizenry must not just protect the family as an institution but also the individuals who comprise that family. Providing options to legalize divorce does not automatically mean a mushrooming of divorced families- it should be perceived more as a regulated way of protecting individual rights and upholding values of fairness when cases arise that will warrant a termination of marital relationship.


Reference:
Philippine divorce bill and individual rights in the 21st Century