6 Do's and Don'ts Before Filing a Divorce Part 1

This is excerpted from the book, The Smart Divorce: A Practical Guide to the 200 Things You Must Know

Here is the 6 Do's and Don'ts every woman should know before filing a divorce:

1. Do figure out whom you can trust before you go talking to friends and soon-to-be former relatives. You may be surprised to see who will testify against you later.

You are guaranteed to learn who your friends are when you go through a divorce. You may find out at the start, or you may learn along the way. The problem is that sometimes you don't find out until you're deep into the process, and by then you may have confided in exactly the wrong person. As certain as you are that this will never happen to you, the odds are that it will happen in one out of two cases.

2. Do take notes when you have meetings with your lawyer and jot down questions and ideas as they come to you.

You think you'll remember, but you won't. "What did my lawyer say?" you'll ask yourself. "Did my lawyer say I should or shouldn't tell my spouse? I just can't remember." Don't rely on your memory. Write it down. Divorce increases stress, and stress affects your ability to remember. Take notes. It's easier and less expensive to take notes than to call your lawyer and ask the same question again. Take the practical, economical approach and write down your questions and ideas as you think of them. The more organized you are when you walk into your lawyer's office, the less time you will spend there and the less time you will be billed for. If you think you can remember every question and idea you have, you're wrong. This is a time when you have a lot on your mind. Jot down notes so you don't forget.


3. Do make a police report if there is abuse -- and do follow through.


Don't make excuses for your spouse. Don't say it will never happen again or that it never happened before. It shouldn't have happened once. Don't believe that it will only be worse if you report the incident. Make a police report and follow through with whatever needs to be done. In some states your spouse can't be ordered out of the house without a hearing unless there is physical abuse. Don't make it your word against your spouse's word. Get an official record of the incident, have pictures taken of the injuries and put your evidence where your spouse can't destroy it.
In a rather unusual turn of events, a husband told us that his wife had beaten him over the last few years. We asked him if he had made a police report, seen a physician or confided in any friends or coworkers. His answer was no to all questions. Based on his wife's denial of the accusations, the judge refused to order his wife out of the house. It may be humiliating, it may be the toughest thing you ever do, but if there's abuse, report it. Nothing you do prevents your spouse from getting the help he or she needs. As difficult as it may be, "I'm sorry" is not enough. Once you let someone get away with violence of any kind, it's an open invitation to do it again.