4. Don't involve the children in conversations, arguments or decisions about them. Do not discuss the particulars of the divorce with your children, and do not use them as mediators or go-betweens.
Your divorce is between you and your spouse. Do not put your children in the middle of it. Your children should not see or hear, much less participate, in any arguments. Under no circumstances should they mediate arguments between you and your spouse, nor should you use them as a service to pass messages to your spouse. Bringing your children into the discussions and decisions will only slow their healing process and confuse them. Worse, it may lead them to anguish about their perceived responsibility for the marital breakup. The problem snowballs when children think they can make things better. And when it doesn't improve, your kids have yet another issue to wonder and worry about: Could they have done something more or different to mend the rift between their parents? Involving your children is a no-win situation.
5. Don't become abusive to yourself. Don't convince yourself that alcohol, drugs, overeating or not eating at all are going to help.
When all else fails, the most likely victim for us to beat up is ourselves. It's sad but true. Doing anything in excess is not the answer. And doing some things, even in moderation, may not be the answer, either. It's very important to take care of yourself physically. Eat sensibly, get rest and establish some kind of sensible routine. Eventually you are going to have to deal with reality. The long-term negative effects of abusing yourself during the divorce will no doubt be more detrimental than anything you experience as a result of the divorce. Make sure that you are as kind to yourself as you would be to your best friend. This is the time to do unto you.
6. Don't use the same lawyer.
It may seem an appealing and inexpensive way to handle things, but using the same lawyer as your spouse is a major mistake. One lawyer cannot equally represent conflicting interests. For example, if you say you need a high amount of monthly support and your spouse wants to pay as little as possible, how can one lawyer who is supposed to be an advocate for each of you resolve those competing interests? Each party should obtain separate counsel and get separate advice. Although the goal may be to work things out, it can't be done without first understanding your options as well as the best- and worst-case scenarios. Cases can be resolved amicably with each side having separate representation. It's important that you understand your rights as well as your responsibilities in the divorce setting. It should be noted that even in mediated cases it is frequently recommended that each party has independent counsel.
In the long run, no one will save money by using one lawyer. Courts look askance at and may throw out agreements drafted by one lawyer for both parties, and then everyone has to start all over again.
Reference: Strategy Smarts: 6 Do's and Dont's Every Woman Should Know Before Filing for Divorce
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