Philippines Parliament To Legalize Divorce

In the Philippines there is no divorce, only annulment, but applying for annulment is extremely difficult. In addition to being the expense of an annulment, the courts have many procedural requirements that complicate the process.

There have been moves time and again to legalize divorce in the Philippines but none were successful, considering that the Philippines is the only Christian country in Asia with more than 80 percent belonging to the Catholic Church.

Social support for divorce is rising in the mainly Roman Catholic Philippines, which is among only three territories where it is still banned, according to a nationwide survey released Thursday.

Half of adult Filipinos surveyed by Social Weather Stations in March said estranged couples who are living apart should be allowed to divorce so they could find another spouse, the Manila-based pollster said.

A third of respondents disagreed while the rest were undecided, it added.
“Net agreement (was) a big change from merely neutral opinion six years ago, when 43 percent agreed and 44 percent disagreed,” SWS said.

The shift was mostly due to changing views among men — whether married or single — and married women, as well as both sexes among poorer classes, the polling firm added.
The Philippines, Malta, and the Vatican city-state are the only places in the world where divorce is still outlawed, but overwhelmingly Catholic Malta voted last week in favor of legalizing it, in a non-binding referendum.

It is now up to the Maltese parliament to legalize the dissolution of marriage there.
The Philippine House of Representatives, one of two chambers of the legislature, began debating a bill to legalize divorce this week amid strong opposition from the Catholic church, to which 85 percent of Filipinos adhere.

The Catholic leadership is also attempting to block passage of a proposed law that would allot state funds for a family planning program.
President Benigno Aquino, who backs the family planning bill, has yet to express his stand on the proposed divorce law.

Asked about the SWS poll, his spokesman Edwin Lacierda told reporters: “It’s a snapshot of the values of the Filipinos. It’s a survey conducted scientifically. We leave it at that.”
The survey of 1,200 adults in the Philippines were asked only one question and did not query respondents about other situations in which divorce may be sought, such as where only one spouse had called for it.

Philippine President Noynoy Aquino is also opposed in legalizing divorce.

”Definitely I cannot support something like what they are doing in Las Vegas wherein the stereotype is you get married in the morning and you will get (a) divorce in the afternoon,” Aquino told reporters in a chance interview.
”But I do recognize that there have been unions that were wrong that no matter what interventions are done, no matter what counseling are done, they really cannot stay together and there is one or both parties in that particular marriage and especially the children,” he said.

”So in my own personal position at this point, a study will have to be done (on legal separation). In divorce is a no, no. But in legal separation that will be very, very stringent. You really have to ascertain that there really (are) irreconcilable differences,” adding that in such circumstances they must “go under strict scrutiny,” Aquino said, speaking in English and Tagalog.

Aquino said he would study the present legal separation law, even as he expressed support for the idea that separated couples under the legal separation be allowed to remarry.
Under the present legal separation law in the Philippines either couple cannot remarry. The president said it is “pitiful for those who commit mistakes.”

Reference:
Philippines Divorce
President Philippines opposes legalization

Children on Divorced Parents

Almost 5 of every 10 marriages today end in divorce and accept it or not, children are the ones greatly affected by it. It’s just as hard for the children if not even harder than for the parents. They are the ones who will experience change that divorce may bring. As what I’ve said in my previous blog, everyone involved in a divorce suffers.

But why do parents divorce? Parents divorce for many reasons. Most of the time, divorce happens when the couples feel that they can no longer live together and the reason for it are sometimes because of fighting, anger or their love for each other has changed. However, the worst part of divorce is when the reason for their separation is if one parent falls in love with someone else. When this happens, the children will surely be confused and will feel out of place in the family.

During this difficult period of divorce, sometimes the parents don’t tell their children what is happening and this often results to children misinterpreting the situation. They don’t explain whether the children are involved or not and they don’t explain what will happen to them. Because of this, children will most likely think that they are the cause of the conflict between their parents. They will feel obligated of brining their parents back together and the worst part of it, sacrificing themselves.  

Children usually think that divorce of their parents is usually their fault. It will surely break the family if the father and mother get divorced. So what’s good thing about divorce? Some kids will just be guilty or wish they could have prevented arguments by their parents by cooperating more inside the family. The pain that the children will experience on divorce will seriously hurt their family and of course the kid himself. It will surely be a significant mark on a child’s life. The parents who have decided to go on a divorce should think about the consequences that it may bring to his or her children, like for example their parent-child relationship will surely be affected, emotions and behaviour of the child, and the psychological development of the children. Divorce will surely increase the risk of behaviour problems of the children. They will most likely develop problems with anger, disobedience and rule violations. It can also affect their performance in school.

Divorce isn’t easy, especially for the children. It can be stressful to them, sad and confusing. Most children do not want their parents separated because they will feel uncertain of what life will be like or what future holds for them. They may sometimes be angry with their mother or father for splitting up and sometimes, they even just choose to stay with their grandparents. How long the transition will last depends on how chaotic or how calm the separation happened. If the parents managed to do a good job fixing the stresses of divorce then the children will also be fast in adjusting to the situation. 

Sources:
Divorce in the Family
Dealing with Divorce
How Divorce Affects Children

Common Reasons of Divorce

Divorce is not a single event. There are many causes that lead to it. It’s not just one reason, but sometimes even hundred unique reasons why certain couples want to split up. Here are some:

Lack of Communication - As I’ve mentioned in my previous blog, lack of communication is one the leading causes of divorce. A marriage will surely be on the rocks when the lines of communication fail because communication is very important in all relationship. A relationship without strong communication will usually have misunderstandings and this will result into fights and when this usually happens, one of parent will certainly want to divorce. A relationship will not work out if they don’t discuss their feelings, don’t talk about personal issues, keep their anger by themselves and just expect the partner to guess that what the whole problem is about.

Financial Issues – “Money makes the world go round” and so is a relationship. When times are hard and both parties have different spending and saving habits, arguments about money will surely rise up. It will cause disagreement between the couple. Though money is not always the primary cause of divorce, nonetheless, it’s a significant factor.

Abusive Behavior – There are many kinds of abuse that can cause couples to divorce. It can take form of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Degrading his or her partner through using harsh languages may also lead to divorce.

Infidelity – In almost all cultures, one person should only have one lover which means one spouse should only have one sexual partner. But there are times when one “cheats” on the other and this will lead to infidelity and will most likely end in a divorce. A single cheating may sometimes be forgiven and worked through but habitual cheating will just worsen the breakdown of the marriage and relationship.

Sexual Problems – It’s a fact that sex is an essential part of a marriage. Married people are expected to do this act and when this need isn’t met, this can be the basis of getting a divorce.

Incompatibility – Researchers show that incompatibility is the most-cited cause of divorce. However, there are many kinds and forms of incompatibility. Sometimes, couples may not be able to find common grounds in terms of their emotion, intellectual or sexual desires. Incompatibility situations are sometimes too unbearable to live life with that a couple should need to divorce.

These are just 5 of the common causes of divorce but here are some other reasons:

- Lack of Commitment

- Alcohol Addiction

- Inability to Resolve and Manage Argument

- Personality Differences

- Differences in Personal and Career Goals

- Lack of Maturity

- Different Expectations about Having Children

- Falling Out of Love

- Cultural Differences

- Lifestyle Differences

- Mental Illness

- Criminal Behavior

Some also say that people who get married between 23-27 are most likely to stay together than people who marry in their teens. Divorces also often happen because couples don’t discuss their expectations before marriage and this is the funny part that I found out, couples also get divorce because of trivial reasons like snoring.

Sources Used:
Common Causes of Divorce
Common Causes and Reasons for Divorce
Causes of Divorce

Divorce is NOT the solution

When two people exchange vows and promise to be there for one another for better or for worst, in times of bliss and troubles, they promise each other total commitment no matter what situation the future may open out in the future. Once the vows have been exchanged, they cannot be broken. But nowadays, that seem to be not important anymore. They are just words said in front of the church but obviously it’s not followed.

The divorce rates worldwide are increasing. 50% of all married couples end up in divorce. If Philippines legalized divorce, for sure same rate will also happen. Half of the married couples in the Philippines will probably end up in divorce also.  Family is a basic unit of a happy and healthy society, if family keeps of getting divorced, then the whole country will certainly be affected.

The young generations today are quick to marry and that’s probably the reason why they are also quick to divorce. Most of the marriages fail because the couples feel that they are no longer good to live together or cannot run a family together. But remember, divorce breaks family. It is especially bad if there are children involved. Imagine yourself growing up without either a mother or father, it’s very hard.  They can be teased in school and whenever there are discussions about family, they will not be able to relate because they grew up without one parent. Both the mother and the father are important in raising children.

If a married couple are having problems with their relationship, divorce is NOT the solution; in fact, it will just give rise to another set of problems. For example, the very obvious problem of what will happen to your children? What will happen to their future? They will surely be heavily involved.

Marriage does not have to end in divorce. It is not the solution to the problems and instead it will just make things worst or complicated. One should not make decisions that will just make him or her regret. We all know that there’s no such thing as perfect relationship and that’s why all relationships have ups and downs but it doesn’t necessarily have to end in divorce. Maybe just a simple talk or communication can already solve the problem. The reason for most troubles and fights are misunderstanding because of the lack of communication of the two parties. By not having time to talk to each other, they will just begin to build walls which will eventually keep them apart in the future.

Divorce should be avoided by all married couples. It will just ruin the family relationship. If one parent did something wrong, the other one should know how to forgive. One reason why couples end up in a divorce is because they do not know how to forgive and give him or her another chance. Maybe through the forgiveness, they could still save their relationship and try it again. All married couples should always learn to try other solutions to their problems and not just yell “Divorce” when they’re mad or when they feel they can’t take it anymore. Divorce is just NOT the solution.

Sources:
Divorce is Not Best Solution
How to Avoid Divorce
Why Divorce is Not the Solution

Till death do us part - or death if we do not part?

Continuation by Iris Gonzales...

‘Till death do us part’… So goes the vow two people make when they marry in front of Jesus Christ or whatever god they choose, with their families and loved ones as witnesses.
They’re in their element, enjoying their happiest moments, and looking the most beautiful they can afford to be – whether that’s in a simple dress or a floor-length, diamond-adorned, pearl white bridal gown.

They will walk down the red carpet and all who have witnessed the momentous event will remember the sparkle in their eyes and the almost tangible euphoria of that thing they call love as the wedding singer’s voice reverberates in the air.

Fast-forward to five or ten years of married life and for many, a slow death has just begun.

Some marriages turn out to be the hell that couples never, not once in their lives, imagined it to be. There are all sorts of abuse and suffering. In the Philippines, for instance, at least one out of 10 women suffers from domestic violence.
And as it is in macho and patriarchal societies, in the Philippines, there’s the widespread problem of infidelity. Infidelity is common in a country where there is no divorce law. The Philippines and Malta are the only two countries in the world with no divorce law (and Vatican City, if it’s considered a state).

It is because of this that almost every Congressional term, a new lawmaker attempts to pass a divorce bill into law. Needless to say, many have tried but none have succeeded in this pre-dominantly Catholic country.

Still, some lawmakers try again and again. The latest attempt is by Bayan Muna Party-list representative Neri Colmenares. Colmenares’ proposal aims to expedite the annulment process.

Filed on 17 January, Colmenares’ bill seeks to amend Article 36 of the Family Code of the Philippines.
According to the Family Code, annulment of a marriage is allowed if one spouse is proven to be psychologically incapacitated to comply with the marital obligation, ‘even if such incapacity becomes manifest only after its solemnization.’

In an article published on abs-cbnnews.com, Colmenares noted that at present, only the rich can afford to have their marriages annulled since the proceedings can be costly.
As such, Colmenares’ proposal recognizes ‘spousal violence, infidelity, and abandonment as presumptive psychological incapacity’. And these can be grounds for annulment of marriage.
Colmenares’ proposal seeks to hasten the annulment process by adding more grounds for the filing of an annulment case.

However, the highly pretentious Catholic Church in the Philippines is already raising its voice against the proposal.Whether or not the latest attempt for something close to divorce prospers or not is anybody’s guess. Some are eagerly counting on it. But while some unhappy couples wait in agony, the harsh reality of living in hell remains for some people – even as years ago, with their eyes locked in love, they promised to love each other in sickness and in health.

A Global Handout in Divorce

Here’s what Iris Gonzales can say about divorce in the Philippines:

There used to be only two countries in the world – the Philippines and Malta – in which divorce was illegal. But in May, citizens of the Mediterranean nation voted in favour of divorce legalization, leaving the Philippines now the only country in the world which still bans divorce.

Couples locked in difficult and unhappy marriages could only sigh in frustration. The main opponent is the Catholic Church; because it’s very influential in this predominantly Catholic country, lawmakers hardly go against it.

Malta’s decision to legalize divorce has reignited debate here at home. Will the Philippines ever legalize divorce?
A women’s rights group is deviating from the safer position and is instead pushing for the legalization of divorce in the Philippines. However, in a Congress of more than 200 lawmakers, the Gabriela Women’s Party would need all the support it can get. Luz Ilagan, the lawmaker representing the group, said that divorce has been widely recognized around the world as a legitimate option for couples trapped in difficult relationships.
However, the Catholic Church is adamant with its position. Divorce, bishops say, would only destroy the Filipino family.

As early as 2005, the Gabriela Women’s Party has filed a divorce bill but our Congress simply ignored it. Male lawmakers, some of whom keep mistresses, refused to disturb the status quo. Isn’t it hypocritical not to recognize divorce as an option for unhappy Filipino couples?
At present, prevailing laws provide relatively difficult options for couples who want to separate. These are legal separation and annulment or a declaration of nullity of marriage.
Annulment is more popular, but it’s long and costly, and sometimes doesn’t happen at all. A television host, who had been abandoned by her husband, filed for annulment for more than once but her plea was never approved by the courts.

Indeed, annulment needs to be approved by the courts. In some cases, children are asked to testify against one parent and a battery of psychiatrists are summoned to prove the psychological incapacity of a spouse for an annulment to be granted.

But the reality is stark and telling. The number of people filing for annulments and legal separation has grown to 7,753 in 2007 from only roughly 4,500 in 2001.

As for me, I have never been married. I was raised not to believe in it. I think that in this day and age, where the world offers individuals more choices, it should be an option available for everyone.

Nobody wants to throw in the towel just like that, but if you’re trapped in an abusive relationship, you would not want to stay in hell as well.

Philippines Stands Alone P2

President Benigno S. Aquino III, who has clashed with the Catholic Church over other legislation — the Reproductive Health Bill, which seeks to guarantee access to birth control information and methods but which the church has assailed as pro-abortion — has distanced himself from the divorce bill.

“It is not a priority, and I don’t see it becoming a priority even in the near future,” he said recently. “The sanctity of families is very important to us.”
Archbishop Cruz, the former bishop, rued what he saw as a pattern of anti-family measures, with the Reproductive Health Bill being debated in Congress and now the divorce bill.
“What they will do next?” he asked in an interview. “Allow same-sex marriage here?”
The Philippines, he said, faces so many problems “and yet we are bogged down by all these attacks against the family.”

But proponents of the bill, while recognizing the difficulty of passing it, are undeterred.
“Many Filipinos, especially women, are trapped in abusive and unhealthy relationships, and the remedies afforded them are inadequate,” said Ms. Ilagan.
“The introduction of divorce in the Philippines will provide an additional option to women who seek to get out of abusive and unhappy marriages,” said Lana Linaban, secretary general of the Gabriela Women’s Party.

The Family Code currently provides three options for spouses who want to get out of their marriage: legal separation, annulment or a declaration of nullity of marriage. Lawmakers who advocate the legalization of divorce say those are inadequate.
In a legal separation, they note, spouses cannot remarry because the marriage is not dissolved. An annulment, which requires the testimony of psychiatrists that one party is psychologically too incapacitated to sustain the marriage, is typically too complicated and costly for most people to pursue. A declaration of nullity requires a court to find that the marriage was never valid to begin with because of factors like fraud.

According to government records, thousands of Filipinos have filed for separation, mostly for infidelity, physical abuse and abandonment. And the numbers are growing. According to the Office of the Solicitor General, 7,753 petitions for legal separations, annulments and declarations of nullity of marriage were filed in 2007, compared with 4,520 in 2001.

A survey done in March and released this month by the Social Weather Stations, an independent polling company based in Manila, found that 50 percent of respondents favored legalizing divorce, up from 43 percent in a similar survey in 2005. Thirty-three percent were opposed and 16 percent undecided, with a margin of error of 3 percentage points.
“Let’s not be hypocritical about this,” Ms. Ilagan said. “The church itself grants annulments.”
She calls her bill “divorce, Filipino-style” because of its stringent requirements for applicants, among them that petitioner and spouse have been legally separated for at least five years.

“There won’t be any Britney Spears marriages under our divorce law,” said Ms. Ilagan, referring to the singer’s marriage to her high school sweetheart in 2004, which lasted less than three days.

Got this from: Philippines Stands All but Alone in Banning Divorce

Philippines Stands Alone P1

Here’s an article written by Carlos H. Conde about the Philippines and Divorce. The article is entitled: Philippines Stands All but Alone in Banning Divorce

When citizens of the small Mediterranean nation of Malta voted in a referendum last month to legalize divorce, they reignited debate in the Philippines, one of the last countries, along with Vatican City, where divorce is still banned.
Days later, the issue surfaced at a hearing in the Philippine House of Representatives on a long-dormant bill.

“The global reality is that divorce has been recognized as a legitimate option for couples, particularly for women, who are trapped in unhappy, even violent, unions,” said Luz Ilagan, a congresswoman representing the Gabriela Women’s Party and co-author of the bill. “If they can do it in Malta, we can do it here. Let us not remain in the Dark Ages.”

But the re-emergence of the divorce proposal has inflamed opponents in this overwhelmingly Roman Catholic country and riled the church authorities, who have called it part of an “orchestrated war against the Filipino family.”

Oscar V. Cruz, a retired archbishop who is now the leading church voice against the bill, said Filipino Catholics should not be ashamed that they are global holdouts on divorce.
“That is a distinction that we should all be very proud of,” Archbishop Cruz said. “It says that we are not one of those who believe the family can be destroyed.”

Divorce is not an alien concept in the Philippines; it was legal during the U.S. and Japanese occupations in the early part of the 20th century. However, it was prohibited with the enactment of the 1949 Civil Code.

The bill to legalize divorce was first filed by Ms. Ilagan’s party in 2005 but was generally ignored. The party refiled the bill twice after that, most recently in July 2010. But it did not come up for discussion in a congressional committee until this month, together with other proposals to amend the Family Code, which was passed in 1987 to supplant sections of the Civil Code concerning marriage.

Even with the greater attention to the Philippines’ isolation on this issue after the Malta vote, the bill is not expected to be approved soon. Catholic leaders have vowed to campaign hard against it. Opponents in Congress say they will fight it all the way to the Supreme Court if necessary. Rufus Rodriguez, a conservative congressman, called the bill unconstitutional and divorce unnecessary.

Church in Divorce - Philippines

The Church sees the divorce bill on a general perspective. Although laws can be implemented without Implementing rules and regulations, still, we should always be objective.

The Philippine Catholic Church is not yet done with its fight for the Republic Health Bill, and now here comes the Divorce Bill on their plate.

The Philippines and the Vatican are now the only places in the world where divorce is still prohibited. Most of the Filipinos are Roman Catholics, and abide the preaches of the Church. Indeed, the Catholic Church is still powerful here in our country.

Divorce in the Philippines is planning to take over Filipino values and culture. It’s all over the news, the Philippine Congress is now pushing forward the Divorce Bill right after they have put forward the Reproductive Health Bill. This is exactly what I have been worrying about. Just a couple of weeks ago, when I attended our Baptist Convention Meeting here in the Visayas, this issue was brought up. And just as what I have stated, “RH Bill can also lead to the Divorce Bill” because they have the same proponents.

Divorce nowadays is a trending topic almost everywhere, debates of pro and anti are still outrageous. Party-list representative Liza Masa of Gabriela filed a Divorce Bill in 2005.According to Rep. Masa, the Annulment that we have right now is “Anti-poor”, as it requires huge amount of money and plenty of time and effort. Therefore, most of the average Filipinos could not afford this expensive procedure and find it non-responsive to the needs of those who suffered from marital abuse.

I thank debates and talks about Divorce, my mind is enlightened by their explanations. According to the latest survey, 5 out of 10 Pinoys are Pro Divorce, while 1 out of 5 Anti is still undecided. For a time, I was confused what side of the coin I’m in. For two years, I am happily married to the man I shared seven years of ups and downs, I am a Roman Catholic since birth, so there are no special reasons to join the Pro side of the coin, but as I contemplate, I realized that this bill will help those women and men that are suffering from marital abuse. They deserve to be happy, to get rid of the abusive partners.

We all know that not all marriages succeeded, there are diverse reasons why some are failed, there are physical abuse, sexual infidelity, irreconcilable differences and conflicting personalities, gross irresponsibility, loss of affection, among others.
In the end, whether they pass it or not, a husband and wife should really fight for their marriage to last. There are some marriage counsellors that can give the best advice to maintain a happy relationship.

Reference: Divorce in the Philippines

Divorce: Problem or Solution?

Is divorce a solution or a problem? That’s a question many people are asking. Does it really cause problems? Or is it a solution to the problems? Here’s the answer to that question which I found from the internet written by Kathy Martone Ed.D., a licensed Jungian psychologist, published author and artist/creator of SoulCatchers.

It is not common knowledge that divorce is actually a social phenomenon in existence since the time of ancient Mesopotamia. This suggests that the roots of our collective disillusionment with the institution of marriage have some deep, and perhaps meaningful, roots. To understand the meaning of a problem is often the first step towards its solution.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, 43% of first marriages end in separation or divorce within 15 years and 75% of those divorced couples will re-marry, half within 3 years. The U.S. Bureau of Census reports that in 1970, there were 4.3 million divorced adults and in 1994, that number increased to 17.4 million. Women currently file slightly more than two-thirds of divorce cases in the U.S. (a study published in 2000 in the American Law and Economics Review). In this same paper, evidence was presented to show that, among college-educated couples, women initiate marriage dissolution at a rate of 90%.

Divorce is one of the most traumatic and painful experiences in a person’s life, second only to death of a spouse. It is one of those “trade secrets” among mental health professionals that a crisis offers an opening to deep healing and the opportunity for growth and empowerment. As tragic as this “death” clearly is, it is also an invitation to look deeper within, to find the meaning that leads to solution; i.e., how to forge better marriages and/or relationships in general.

“Hurt people hurt people” (Alcoholics Anonymous saying) is a statement that addresses one of the core issues that contribute to divorce. This is truly a gift that keeps on giving until we are made to stop and pay attention, putting a stop to this ever widening circle of pain and hurt, rejection and anger. And psychotherapy is just about the best vehicle for this awareness enhancing process. Sitting with a talented therapist week after week can not only help to prevent divorce, but it can – and does – lead to the understanding of the hidden causes and meanings of an inevitable marital split, in turn leading to healthier people who create healthier relationships. Taking the time to gain a clear understanding of the wisdom of this “opportunity” often leads to an escalation of the healing process.

Granted, the best-case scenario is to avoid divorce. But if it appears inevitable or necessary (due to domestic violence for example), there are positive outcomes for both parents as well as children. There are many studies that quote the destructive outcomes of a divorced family, but it is a basic truth that a child born of happy parents (married or single) is much happier and more well adjusted than a youngster born of unhappy parents. And of course happy children in turn become happy adults.

So if you are heading for divorce, do yourself (and all those who love you) a favor and seek professional help. It is an investment that will pay dividends for years – and relationships – to come.

Reference: Divorce: Problem or Solution?

5 Tips for Men in Winning a Divorce Case

In most of my blogs, I usually have bias on women because I am a woman myself. So this time, the good one is the men. This blog will be about divorce strategies for men, 5 tips that will help them win in a divorce case.
Most people feel that when a divorce happens that it is always the man versus the woman and it usually ends up in a disaster. When a divorce is made into a battle of who gets the most out of it, it starts lots of arguing and fights. Once that happens, it's usually the man who looks like the bad guy even if he's not. Here are some divorce strategies for men to help avoid unnecessary struggles.
When it comes to getting a divorce, it is important for the both parties to have a good divorce strategy. If you don’t, both parties will have difficulties in the divorce case. Here, I found a site when it offers some tips of things that can be considered and incorporated for divorce strategies for men.

Tip 1 - If you did need to speak to your partner when going through divorce proceedings direct then it is important that you make a note of everything that occurs. For example if you need to call your partner so that you can speak with your children then make a note of the time, date and how long the call lasted for. Also it is a good idea to make a note of what the conversation with your children was about.

Tip 2 - Although you may find it difficult because of the unexpected feelings you have you need to ensure that you eat well, drink plenty of water and get enough sleep. If you don't then you will become fatigued and find it more difficult to concentrate and think about what is happening. Certainly at times there are going to be arguments and being healthy means that you can cope far better with them.

Tip 3 - Never make promises which are based on the guilt you are feeling because your marriage has failed. Some people tend to make promises just so that they don't have to deal with an awkward situation. However, as your lawyer will tell you making such promises can cost you very dearly in the future.

Tip 4 - It is best if you assume that at all times your wife is much smarter than you as this will help you to avoid a lot of issues which in the future could cost you. What one needs to remember is a lot of the time when it comes to divorce proceedings these are structured to provide the woman with support. Often men today will end up getting the worse deal simply because of the behavior of other men in the past when divorces were taking place.

Tip 5 - Although you may be finding it hard to do you need to keep your sense of humor at all times. Even though you may find it difficult by having a sense of humor you will find it much easier to cope with the problems and upheavals that divorce proceedings will cause in your life. So don't spend your time moping in your lonely bachelor pad but get out and have some fun with your mates instead.

Got this from:
Divorce Strategies For Men - 5 Tips to Help You Develop a Winning Strategy

6 Do's and Don'ts Before Filing a Divorce Part 2

4. Don't involve the children in conversations, arguments or decisions about them. Do not discuss the particulars of the divorce with your children, and do not use them as mediators or go-betweens.

Your divorce is between you and your spouse. Do not put your children in the middle of it. Your children should not see or hear, much less participate, in any arguments. Under no circumstances should they mediate arguments between you and your spouse, nor should you use them as a service to pass messages to your spouse. Bringing your children into the discussions and decisions will only slow their healing process and confuse them. Worse, it may lead them to anguish about their perceived responsibility for the marital breakup. The problem snowballs when children think they can make things better. And when it doesn't improve, your kids have yet another issue to wonder and worry about: Could they have done something more or different to mend the rift between their parents? Involving your children is a no-win situation.

5. Don't become abusive to yourself. Don't convince yourself that alcohol, drugs, overeating or not eating at all are going to help.

When all else fails, the most likely victim for us to beat up is ourselves. It's sad but true. Doing anything in excess is not the answer. And doing some things, even in moderation, may not be the answer, either. It's very important to take care of yourself physically. Eat sensibly, get rest and establish some kind of sensible routine. Eventually you are going to have to deal with reality. The long-term negative effects of abusing yourself during the divorce will no doubt be more detrimental than anything you experience as a result of the divorce. Make sure that you are as kind to yourself as you would be to your best friend. This is the time to do unto you.

6. Don't use the same lawyer.

It may seem an appealing and inexpensive way to handle things, but using the same lawyer as your spouse is a major mistake. One lawyer cannot equally represent conflicting interests. For example, if you say you need a high amount of monthly support and your spouse wants to pay as little as possible, how can one lawyer who is supposed to be an advocate for each of you resolve those competing interests? Each party should obtain separate counsel and get separate advice. Although the goal may be to work things out, it can't be done without first understanding your options as well as the best- and worst-case scenarios. Cases can be resolved amicably with each side having separate representation. It's important that you understand your rights as well as your responsibilities in the divorce setting. It should be noted that even in mediated cases it is frequently recommended that each party has independent counsel.
In the long run, no one will save money by using one lawyer. Courts look askance at and may throw out agreements drafted by one lawyer for both parties, and then everyone has to start all over again.

Reference: Strategy Smarts: 6 Do's and Dont's Every Woman Should Know Before Filing for Divorce

6 Do's and Don'ts Before Filing a Divorce Part 1

This is excerpted from the book, The Smart Divorce: A Practical Guide to the 200 Things You Must Know

Here is the 6 Do's and Don'ts every woman should know before filing a divorce:

1. Do figure out whom you can trust before you go talking to friends and soon-to-be former relatives. You may be surprised to see who will testify against you later.

You are guaranteed to learn who your friends are when you go through a divorce. You may find out at the start, or you may learn along the way. The problem is that sometimes you don't find out until you're deep into the process, and by then you may have confided in exactly the wrong person. As certain as you are that this will never happen to you, the odds are that it will happen in one out of two cases.

2. Do take notes when you have meetings with your lawyer and jot down questions and ideas as they come to you.

You think you'll remember, but you won't. "What did my lawyer say?" you'll ask yourself. "Did my lawyer say I should or shouldn't tell my spouse? I just can't remember." Don't rely on your memory. Write it down. Divorce increases stress, and stress affects your ability to remember. Take notes. It's easier and less expensive to take notes than to call your lawyer and ask the same question again. Take the practical, economical approach and write down your questions and ideas as you think of them. The more organized you are when you walk into your lawyer's office, the less time you will spend there and the less time you will be billed for. If you think you can remember every question and idea you have, you're wrong. This is a time when you have a lot on your mind. Jot down notes so you don't forget.


3. Do make a police report if there is abuse -- and do follow through.


Don't make excuses for your spouse. Don't say it will never happen again or that it never happened before. It shouldn't have happened once. Don't believe that it will only be worse if you report the incident. Make a police report and follow through with whatever needs to be done. In some states your spouse can't be ordered out of the house without a hearing unless there is physical abuse. Don't make it your word against your spouse's word. Get an official record of the incident, have pictures taken of the injuries and put your evidence where your spouse can't destroy it.
In a rather unusual turn of events, a husband told us that his wife had beaten him over the last few years. We asked him if he had made a police report, seen a physician or confided in any friends or coworkers. His answer was no to all questions. Based on his wife's denial of the accusations, the judge refused to order his wife out of the house. It may be humiliating, it may be the toughest thing you ever do, but if there's abuse, report it. Nothing you do prevents your spouse from getting the help he or she needs. As difficult as it may be, "I'm sorry" is not enough. Once you let someone get away with violence of any kind, it's an open invitation to do it again.